I'm so fucking centered right now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
