I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
