I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
