why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My ass is underappreciated
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
