I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
