its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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