you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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