Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize