is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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