I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
