I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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