All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
