It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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