what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
