he thought i was a dude.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
