Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
