are you still at the devil's house?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
