Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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