Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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