The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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