I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
