Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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