you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
