worst night to have a conscience
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude. I can hear the air.
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