I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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