dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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