I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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