Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
