i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we should paint friendship bongs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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