Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
