Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
