hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
