In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I want is dick and wine.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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