Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
