epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
