I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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