Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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