I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
