So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
