Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
