i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
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I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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