dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
