I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
