white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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