Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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