in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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