I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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