Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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