if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize