i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I haven't been this sober since birth.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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