yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
