I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just pee around me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
