So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
