Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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