Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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