I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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