The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
