I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
