Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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