I could make wine with my vomit
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
