I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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